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My wounding says, “Please them, fix them, make sure they understand me…”
My healing begins to whisper, “You don’t have to.”
Healing is anything but linear. It’s a spiral—each turn revealing new layers of self-awareness, bringing past wounds to the surface so you can meet them with a deeper understanding.
One of the most profound shifts on this journey is recognizing the difference between the voice of wounding and the wisdom of healing. Let’s explore this shift together.
The Voice of Wounding
Wounds are born from unmet needs, past traumas, unresolved grief, and internalized narratives about our worth. They often show up as survival strategies—ways we try to create safety, belonging, or validation.
Please them: A learned response to seek love and approval by prioritizing others over yourself.
Fix them: The belief that controlling external circumstances will create inner peace.
Make sure they understand me: A plea for validation, for someone to truly see and hear you.
Convince them: The urge to prove your worthiness, truth, and right to take up space.
Ruminate about them: A way the nervous system processes perceived threats, replaying interactions in search of safety.
Regulate them: Feeling responsible for another’s emotional state, sometimes at the cost of your energetic state.
These responses were once protective, helping you survive. However, they can also deplete your energy and disconnect you from yourself over time.
The Wisdom of Healing
Healing doesn’t demand—it gently invites. It reminds you that you are allowed to be without needing to manage how others perceive you.
What if instead of fixing, you allowed?
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them hold their own opinions.
Let them make their own mistakes.
Let them walk their own path.
Not because their actions don’t matter but because your well-being matters more than controlling what is beyond you.
From Fixing to Allowing: A Compassionate Shift
Moving from wounding to healing isn’t a one-time realization—it’s a practice of self-awareness, nervous system regulation, and self-compassion.
1. Pause & Notice
When you feel the urge to please, fix, or ruminate, pause. Take a slow breath. Ask:
What am I trying to create for myself? (Safety? Love? Understanding?)
What do I actually need right now?
2. Honor Your Wounds
Your reactions come from a part of you that once needed protection. Instead of shaming that part, meet it with tenderness. Healing doesn’t mean dismissing pain—it means acknowledging it with compassion.
3. Practice Letting Go (With Support)
Releasing control isn’t about forcing yourself to “just let go.” It’s about small, safe steps.
The next time someone misunderstands you, pause before over-explaining.
If someone dismisses your emotions, remember that your feelings are valid even if they don’t recognize them.
4. Reconnect with Your Energy
Shift your focus inward:
How does your body feel at this moment?
What would bring you a sense of grounding or calm?
Soothing your nervous system—through breathwork, movement, or mindfulness—helps your body learn that you don’t have to manage others to be safe.
5. Trust the Process
Healing isn’t a finish line. Some days will feel more straightforward than others. But each time you choose yourself, you reclaim energy once spent trying to control what was never yours to hold.
Letting Go is an Act of Self-Trust
When you shift from wounding to healing, profound changes unfold:
Your relationships feel lighter. You no longer carry the weight of trying to “fix” or manage others.
Your mind becomes quieter. The need to overthink or replay interactions lessens.
You reconnect with yourself. Without the burden of external validation, you find clarity and inner peace.
Your wounding may still whisper, “Please them. Fix them. Convince them.” But your healing will begin to whisper back, “You don’t have to.”
And in that quiet knowing, you will find freedom.
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