Excuses: It's not you, it's me...

I recently read a post that said, "If you really want to do something, you will find a way. If you don't you will find an excuse."

We should all work to be careful with our words and not throw them around as generalizations with no context. To a person with depression, or unhealed trauma, a statement like that can make you feel even worse and leave you wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” False limiting beliefs like these create or reinforce your shadows.

The behavior of creating excuses, lying, cheating, and procrastination stem from many complex and interlocking reasons and variables to include your personal life experiences, current situation, and challenge at hand. Regardless, excuse-making is a personal handicap that prevents you from achieving fulfillment because it hurts your own performance and motivation.

Examining your excuses is a great Wild Moon Healing exercise because you can discover a false belief system or where you lack boundaries.

Let's put the original statement into perspective:

If you want something really bad, but fear, guilt, shame, or a limiting belief holds you back, that's not excuses rather that is unhealed trauma.

• Excuses could be an indication of overwhelm from clutter in your life. When confusion from a busy mind or the mess of a disorganized environment surrounds you, this disorder can lead to reasons why you avoid getting things done. Decluttering is best done after the new moon under the waxing lunar phase.

• You lack direction and don’t have specific measurable goals. Define your big picture goals under the new moon. Every new moon create an inspired plan to work on during that lunar cycle.

• If your mate doesn't respect you he/she will make excuses to only spend time with you on his/her terms. If you make excuses for your mate's behavior then your subconscious knows the truth about your current experience which is why you don’t feel good. This is an example of two people that need healing, but understand you can't heal each other.

• Embarrassment of your current life experience can create excuses. Maybe you don’t have the money and you’re too stubborn to just say the truth. Speaking honestly could lead to understanding and possibly no hard feelings. You can’t predict another’s response; their reaction is not your responsibility.

• If you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings you may find an excuse to spare them. There is something to be said for being nice, but make sure the “nice guy” behavior doesn’t mean you are not speaking your truth or have issues creating personal boundaries.

• Excuses can be a habit created by tiny lies that stack on top each other. In school it started with, “My dog ate my homework.” And then as a young adult you became a little bolder by telling your employer, “Sorry, I had a family emergency.” If your little lies go unchecked you get bolder and bolder and excuses become a habit.

• Memory distortions can lead to excuses. You lie or omit pertinent details so something doesn’t seem “so bad” or you lie about how good something “really is.” Over time this distortion becomes part of your memory, albeit a false memory.

• People who are not accountable for their actions need excuses which typically involve blaming anyone or anything other than being responsible.

• If you have anxiety or depression, excuses can be an unconscious desire to protect yourself.

• Uncertainty makes people uncomfortable and could stem from a lack of confidence. It’s this fear of the unknown that can lead to excuses.

So how can we stop creating excuses?

• Heal yourself by doing Moon work and following the principles laid out in my book, Wild Moon Healing. Be brave and get uncomfortable and vulnerable. Stop hiding, learn your truth, and grow. Vulnerability is a super-power and leads to ah-ha moments.

• See your doctor to find out if something like depression or anxiety is an issue with you and learn how to treat it.

• Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison mechanisms devalue who you are and your experience(s).

• Quit the blame game. Everything you do, say, and think is because of who you are and your life experiences. PERIOD. Blaming anything outside of yourself means you are giving that person your power.

• Get inspired… you do this by trying new things or doing things you enjoy more often.

• Do something every day to work toward your goals. It can be just minutes to start, but your effort will grow over time. Healing takes time. Mark it on your calendar and always show up for yourself.

• Under the gaze of a full moon, do shadow work to help you learn, heal, and grow from all your life experiences that hurt you.

• Practice gratitude to change your attitude. You have the power to choose how you want to feel at any moment.

• Visualize your future self who stopped making excuses and is living a fulfilling, incredibly happy life that you love. This can help you set your monthly goals.

• Stop dwelling on your mistakes, accept them and acknowledge you are not perfect, you are not your past, you are not your parents… or anything else that may be holding you back.

• Believe in yourself and your inner magic—all you need is inside you. You have the power to change!