Changing the Story: 5 Rules for Healing Beyond Survival

donna conley
Sep 23
4 min read

I spoke of the trifecta of my youth in my first book, and I believe this: everyone has a story, and that story matters – you matter.

We all carry things from childhood—pain, trauma, or beliefs passed down from family—that can make us feel small. But there are ways forward. These 5 Rules for Healing can help you stop replaying the past and start living more fully in the present.

5 Rules for Healing

Rule #1 – Don’t Compare Your Story

Your story is yours. Someone else’s pain is theirs. The moment you decide theirs is “worse” or “not as bad,” you take away from your own experience. All stories matter and deserve respect.

👉 Instead of staying stuck in the comparison game, remind yourself: my story matters too.

Rule #2 – Healing Cannot Happen in Your Head

Your brain loves to replay memories and create loops of “what if” or “why me.” The more you repeat them, the more your brain makes them feel permanent. Scientists call this carving deep “neural pathways”—like wearing a trail into the ground every time you walk it.

Real healing begins when you step out of your head and into practices that calm your body and open your heart.

👉 Instead of getting lost in endless thoughts, remind yourself: healing happens when I feel it, not when I think it.

Rule #3 – Survival Mode Creates Energy Drains

When you’re just trying to survive, you do things to cope that waste energy. These are called “energy leaks.” For some, that looks like numbing with substances. For others, it’s gossip or pretending they’re fine. Different actions, same root: covering pain.

Over time, these leaks keep you reacting instead of living with intention.

👉 Instead of letting triggers run the show, remind yourself: I can choose how I respond.

Rule #4 – You Can Change the Story Anytime

You don’t have to live on autopilot, just going through the motions. You can choose a new path today, tomorrow, or even next year. As you learn more about yourself, your story will grow and change with you. And that’s not failure—it’s freedom.

👉 Instead of believing “this is just how I am,” remind yourself: I can always start a new chapter.

Rule #5 – Healing Is a Lifelong Path

There’s always more to learn, more to heal, more ways to grow. Healing isn’t a straight line, nor is it about a destination—it’s a journey, it’s about living in the present moment. When you choose it as your path, you’ll discover love, acceptance, and even adventure along the way.

👉 Instead of thinking “I should already be done healing,” remind yourself: I’m still becoming, and that’s beautiful.

Learn to Balance Your Healing

At Wild Moon Healers, I help you create a path that works for you by using lunar cycles and your breath. Teaching lunar cycles as a path forward is both literal and metaphorical. As you learn to follow lunar cycles, you organically start following nature, and in doing so become connected with your own nature.

When my father passed away near the summer solstice, the world outside felt alive with first-quarter moon energy—full of excitement and growth. But inside, I was living in a personal winter, grieving in waning moon energy. Learning to balance these dualities—what’s happening outside of you versus what’s happening inside—is at the root of my work.

Try This: Tools for Healing

Journaling

Write down where you feel stuck.
Notice moments when you’re just going through the motions.
Ask yourself: What would I like my story to look like instead?

Breathing

Try “belly breathing”: place a hand on your stomach and breathe deep until your hand rises.
Or slow down your exhale. A longer out-breath tells your body you’re okay.

Small Shifts

Notice one place this week where you waste energy.
Try replacing that habit with something that fills you up instead—like resting, creating, or talking to someone you trust.

Self-Discovery Begins with a Question…

What story about myself do I keep replaying?
How do I compare my story to others? How does that make me feel?
What thoughts or memories show up on repeat in my head?
Where do I notice myself wasting energy (habits, distractions, or numbing)?
If I could start a new chapter today, what would the title be?
What’s one small thing I can do this week to move toward that new chapter?
Who or what helps me feel safe when I want to grow?

✨ Healing doesn’t mean erasing your story—it means choosing how you want to write the next chapter. And with these 5 Rules for Healing, you always get to choose.

If this post spoke to you, I invite you to explore deeper healing with me. You don’t have to walk this path alone.